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The recycling men turning up

Men who are paid to tidy up and help the planet at the same time. Watch them as they fling your unwanted local newspapers and empty Tampax boxes into the back of that truck. Why would you ever bother watching Magic Mike again?

No notifications on your phone

No notifications. Yes! Yes! Yeeeeesssssss!!!!

The parking space you left right outside your house still being there when you get back

Nothing changed. Nobody moved. It was just waiting there for you. This isn’t a parking space, it’s a G spot.

Plans being cancelled at the last minute

They don’t want you to come. And yet you practically just did.

Putting your slippers on after a night in heels

The feeling returns to your feet as Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin sing ‘Je t’aime’ somewhere in your head.

Black cabs with the yellow light on

Uber is the boyfriend you always sort of hated who you can’t shake off. A black cab is Jason Momoa. A black cab with the yellow light on is Jason Momoa ravaging you in the sea. (If Momoa is not available then Statham will do)

Tidy drawers

Why would anyone bother swinging from the chandeliers when they could experience the same ecstasy by opening a draw that is impeccably organised?

Finding out someone else emptied the dishwasher

You were expecting it to be full, but it’s empty. So empty. There is still that residual heat. And it’s not just coming from the machine, is it?

Sharpened pencils

Sharpened pencils writing on the first page of a new notebook. OK, things are now getting genuinely filthy around here.

Every single item is identified and recognised at the supermarket self-check out without you having to call for assistance

Why don’t you just film it and upload it to YouPorn so everyone else can enjoy it too?

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