sex is cool but..., sex, alternative orgasm, alternative sex, better than sex

Sex is cool but…

  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …have you ever had a parking ticket refunded because it was their mistake not yours and you didn’t even have to fight, they just gave you the money back? Think of the best orgasm you’ve ever had. And triple it.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …have you ever got a bit drunk, not too drunk, but enough – and spent the evening being the most dazzling person in the room – uninhibited, hilarious, outrageous (on the cusp, but not going over), delightful and totally in control. As if you’d been engineered by NASA and now everyone is in love with you and you haven’t even flashed/started crying/fallen asleep like you usually do. Hot.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …chips….Come on.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …have you ever fixed the dishwasher yourself using a YouTube tutorial. Yes, yes, YESSSSSSSS.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but….
    …winning a bid on eBay… the build up, the rush, the moment of climax when you get the email saying, ‘Congratulations! You’re the winning bidder!’ Practically humping my laptop.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …not like going to the cinema on your own. You get to choose when, where and what without having to incorporate anyone else’s needs. You can even have a little sleep without anyone minding. It’s the rampant rabbit of going out. Plus there’s air conditioning. Hot hot hot.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but….
    …have you ever closed 15 tabs after finishing a project? Satisfaction isn’t even the word.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …have you ever gone the full Marie Kondo on your cupboards? Folding your clothes into three so they stand up on their sides and putting all your formerly-known-as-random-shit-you-just-need-in-life into compartments in your drawers. There is nothing more sexual on this earth.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …a container full of freshly sharpened pencils – it will give you indescribable physical pleasure.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …sleeping through the night in your thousand-wash-grey t-shirt with the holes in it that is as soft as a baby bunny and the men’s boxer shorts with the slack waistband and then waking up to discover you didn’t even get up to pee once is the apex of the human experience.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …this new fabric conditioner you got on special offer from Waitrose smells AMAZING.
  • Oh yeah, sex is cool, but…
    …have you ever wanted to cancel plans, but you didn’t, and then they were cancelled anyway? That is true joy.
SHARE! SHARE! SHARE!
Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on email
Email