Me: I was going to tell you something…
You: What?
Me: I can’t remember.
You: Right.
Me: I’m just so forgetful.
You: I remember NOTHING.
Me: I go into a room and I think…
You: ‘What did I come in here for?’
Me: Every day. That is my life.
You: I walk around the house holding my keys, shouting –
Me: ‘WHERE ARE MY F***ING KEYS??’
You: I open the fridge and I just think –
Me: ‘WHY?’
You: I mean, I have no idea.
Me: Don’t ask me, I don’t remember what happened yesterday.
You: Did we even have a yesterday?
Me: I don’t know, I can’t remember.
You: Someone asked me where I last went on holiday and I had to look at Instagram.
Me: I wouldn’t have remembered to do that.
You: My boss was like, “How was your weekend?” And I just thought, “Errr…hello – are you drunk? How should I know?”
Me: I don’t remember where I was half an hour ago.
You: I left my dog outside Sainsbury’s for two hours last week.
Me: You have a dog?
You: Apparently.
Me: I don’t even remember if I have a dog.
You: I don’t know – do you?
Me: I mean, I might.
You: Perhaps my dog is actually yours?
Me: It’s not impossible. Did I leave it at your house?
You: I don’t know, did you?
Me: What’s its name?
You: That’s an absurd question. It could be anything.
Me: What would I name a dog if I had one….
You: I forgot my mother’s birthday.
Me: I wouldn’t know my mother’s birthday if I were about to be torched like a witch and they said, “Remember your mother’s birthday and you go free.”
You: I’d be like, “Nope, it’s gone. Arrrgh, arrgh, the flames!”
Me: Well, obviously.
You: How do we even know each other?
Me: No idea. DO we know each other?
You: Maybe we don’t.
Me: I mean, I don’t recognise you, but that’s normal for me.
You: And I have no idea who you are.
Me: Well me too, but I was just too polite to say it.
You: ………………………………………………..
Me: …………………………………………………
You: What were we talking about?
Me: No idea.
