black swan, natalie portman, lockdown, mirror, whore, anxiety, demons, anxious mind, paranoia

Conversations you have with yourself in lockdown

Me: Day 1,450,342 of lockdown.

Also me: So hungry.

Me: Is it Wednesday? Or is it last Wednesday?

Also me: Breakfast was an hour ago. Blood sugar is dangerously low.

Me: What year is it? 2046?

Also me: Maybe just a small piece of cheese or something?

Me: Do we even have days of the week, still?

Also me: With a baguette and some wine…

Me: Is it going quickly or slowly? I can’t tell.

Also me: It’s 6pm somewhere *opens wine*

Me: At least I’ve got plenty of time to tidy all my cupboards.

Also me: What if I just dip this bread straight into this jar of mayonnaise?

Me: If I could be arsed to tidy my cupboards. Which I can’t.

Also me: Those cocktail sausages look nice.

Me: Might go for a run.

Also me: After this drink… which I shall now top up.

Me: Might go for a run later.

Also me: Where the fuck are the fucking crisps?

Me: Going to meditate to reduce my stress levels.

Also me: Did someone else eat my crisps…? *starts crying*

Me: Going to meditate later.

Also me: I knew it! Only crumbs left! Who the actual fuck???

Me: Might bake some banana bread.

Also me: Oh. It was me. No one else lives here.

Me: Banana bread is so Week 2 of lockdown, though.

Also me: *swigs out of bottle*

Me: Might try and do a headstand for no reason.

Also me: Why is this bottle now empty?

Me: *tries to do headstand, topples over* Fuck yoga.

Also me: *flings bottle across the room, screaming*

Me: *alarm goes* Argh, I’ve got a Zoom work meeting in thirty seconds!!!

Also me: GET THE SNACKS READY.

Me: I have to read this presentation quickly.

Also me: NO, GET THE SNACKS READY.

Me: I haven’t washed my hair in four days and I’m wearing a Steps reunion tour t-shirt.

Also me: YOU CANNOT DO THIS WITHOUT SNACKS.

Me: *opens computer, joins Zoom meeting, waves to colleagues* Hi, everyone!

Also me: GRAB SOMETHING QUICKLY, HURRY THE FUCK UP.

Me: Just grabbing a quick snack – everyone knows a meeting without snacks should be an email!

Also me: Nice save.

Me: So I’ve gone over the figures…

Also me: *stops to tip packet of cornflakes into open mouth*

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