tangled, isolation, self-isolation, quarantined, separated

I’m more quarantined than you

You: Can you stand a bit further away please.

Me: Right – although we are on the phone, so…

You: Sorry, but there’s no such thing as being over-cautious.

Me: *coughs*

You: OMG.

Me: Sorry, just eating a biscuit.

You: I hope you coughed into your elbow regardless.

Me: I did. Can you hang on while I just take my top off and hot wash it?

You: I am changing my clothes five times a day.

Me: I’m mostly not wearing clothes so I don’t have to keep washing them.

You: I change them when I move between rooms. Just in case.


You: But you live on your own.

Me: Well, yes, but the virus might be living in my carpet or hiding behind a door.

You: I ripped up all my carpets myself and boiled them, just in case.

Me: How did you get them out from under your furniture?

You: All this YouTube yoga I’m doing – I’m SO STRONG now.

Me: (alarm goes)

You: What was that?

Me: Oh, that’s my snack break reminder.

You: I thought you just had a biscuit.

Me: I did, but that was the earlier snack.

You: I can’t snack because of my thermometer.

Me: What do you mean?

You: Well, I’ve decided to keep it in my mouth permanently – like I’m a gangster and it’s a toothpick – so I can constantly monitor my temperature.

Me: Have you seen any fluctuation?

You: Yes, when I was in the bath it got higher.

Me: Terrifying.

You: I wash my hands so often that they are now scaly claws, like a pair of thin, dry leaves attached to the ends of my arms.

Me: I am wearing plastic gloves around my house. In case I touched anyone last week when I was still allowed to touch humans and one of them had it.

You: I’m staying strong, though.

Me: OMG, I’m staying so strong.

You: And staying IN.

Me: I’m staying strong/ in/calm

You: I’m so calm, it’s ridiculous.

Me: Me too. So calm. So unbelievably calm.

You: ………..

Me: …………

You: Off for a snack now.

Me: Surely it’s time for a drink?

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