annie, miss hannigan, drunk, new years resolutions, new year, resolutions, stop drinking, dry january

Conversations you have with yourself in Dry January

Me: New Year, new me! An excellent opportunity to cleanse my liver.

Also me: Does Thai fish sauce have alcohol in it? What if I drink that?

Me: I can totally handle this. I’m not really a big drinker anyway.

Also me: Cider apple vinegar!!!

Me: I don’t even need alcohol.

Also me: Can you feel drunk if you eat fermented foods?

Me: Anyway, I’m super fun without booze.

Also me: What if I eat twelve packets of brandy snaps?

Me: I enjoy having a clear head.

Also me: Do wine gums have wine in them?

Me: It’s good to feel present and in control.

Also me: Chinese rice wine?? Is it allowed to call itself wine if it’s not actual wine?

Me: I’m going to detox my whole system.

Also me: *rams Champagne truffles into mouth*

Me: Focus on my health.

Also me: Vodka jelly isn’t technically a drink, so….

Me: I will go to bed feeling calm and serene.

Also me: If I had a gin and tonic with some cucumber in it, that’s literally a salad.

Me: And wake up energised and optimistic.

Also me: *spreads some brandy butter on toast*

Me: I could actually give up alcohol for good, no problem.

Also me: If I soak these raisins in port, no one will know and they’ll just look like a healthy snack.

Me: It’s fine, I only have three weeks left.

Also me: That’s 504 hours, 30,240 minutes or 1,814,400 seconds.

Me: Might have some more water.


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