A hobby is an activity, interest, enthusiasm, or pastime that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, done during one’s own time. As we are positively drowning in both ‘our own time’ and ‘enthusiasm’, here’s what we are up to at the moment:
Imagining ourselves in situations that will literally never exist
Being married to a massively famous philanthropic billionaire movie producer and fielding invitations from old acquaintances who have never shown any interest in us previously by saying things like ‘So improbably to hear from you, Janet. What’s changed?’
Playing nap roulette
Closing our eyes for a second and seeing where we end up. Could be two minutes. Could be three days.
Bridge
OK. Not doing the bridge. Planning the bridge. Calling up everyone you know and saying, ‘Let’s all learn Bridge’ because it will help with memory, dementia and is a ruthlessly genteel activity that is also a gateway to alcohol/biscuits. Everyone says yes and gets very excited. *Pause* Sorry that’s it.
Fantasising about how much exercise you would do if you had a week off
The class passes, the pilates, the yoga….hell, a street dance class plus boxing. Yes you long to box. You order all the athleisurewear just in case.
Going to the high street and trying on 5000 colour-block power suits
Because….power. Also, you never thought it would happen but you are bored of dresses. Do you look like a prison guard, a fridge or a lady detective in a power suit? Would you be allowed to arrest people if you wore one?
Folding down pages in recipe books
While eating biscuits/smoking/crying and making notes like ‘Vietnamese coriander’ and ‘slow cooker’. Ditto folding down the pages of all the catalogues that fly through the door. Sometimes you even use a biro and circle things and leave them around hoping that the ordering fairy might work her magic. She never does. The ordering fairy is a bitch.
Drawing tattoos on your body in pen
You will probably (but not definitely) never get them done. But you like the idea that you are Pirate. As opposed to just irate.
Standing in front of the mirror…
Giving acceptance speeches for all the awards you could win for the work that you do while being hilarious/telling everyone you have something terminal/looking stoicly beautiful/imagining what you would look like with some really good work that you have no hope of saving up for.
Funeral planning
Your own. It’ll be fabulous. You wonder who will be properly sad rather than just solemn. You want A LOT of ugly crying and really beautiful music. How will they know which photo to use? Better start a WhatsApp group…
