The haiku is a pithy art form. So we thought we’d sum up some super-familiar scenarios. Turn drudge into art. Immortalise the indignity… in 17 syllables.
Hormones
I eat the chocolate.
Now crying for no reason
Very sweaty back.
Insomnia
‘Can’t smile without you’
Sings the loud voice in my head
Death by Manilow.
Adulthood
I don’t understand
They said I would understand
Someone pass the gin.
Not wanting sex with the Bumble date who seems to like you
You couldn’t arouse
Feelings of passion in a
Nymphomaniac
Wanting sex when there’s no one around
I open the drawer
The Rampant Rabbit buzzes
‘Just us again then?’
Chin hairs
A glint in the light
Sharp, grey, strong and defiant
Today’s new beard sitch….
Pelvic floors
Are you even there?
What was it that I just felt?
Please don’t say I peed.
Being hungry all the time
Rumbling fills the air
Breakfast was an hour ago
The Jaffa cakes win.
I scroll down my feed
My nemesis from sixth form
I ‘like’ her haircut.
Ocado
The doorbell rings once
My heart leaps into my mouth
‘I’m coming darling!’
Forgetfulness
My keys are missing
For the second time today
Oh, they’re in my hand.
Voicemail
Notification
‘You have two new messages’
What fresh hell is this?
Staying in
I should go out now
But I really don’t want to
It’s 8, so goodnight.
Paranoia
There is nothing wrong
Really, just stop worrying
ALL OF THEM HATE ME.
