- ‘Get thee to a nunnery.’ (Hamlet to Ophelia – Hamlet)
Muttered to yourself, when enthusiastic partners are looming towards you under the duvet, but all you want to do is put your bed socks on, take some Night Nurse and listen to a podcast as you go to sleep. - ‘My salad days.’ (Cleopatra – Antony and Cleopatra)
You find your neon yellow Morgan top – the one made of 100% polyester – that you wore to a rave off the M1 in 1997. - ‘Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia.’ (Gertrude – Hamlet)
Lying in the bath, feeling a bit depressed. It’s probably a Sunday evening. Or every day in January. - ‘I may neither choose who I would, nor refuse who I dislike.’ (Portia – The Merchant of Venice)
Yes, your friends mean well, but not everyone enjoys being set up on an impromptu blind date when they thought they were just coming round for a casual dinner. - ‘Out, damn spot!’ (Lady Macbeth – Macbeth)
When you get biro ink on your white cashmere jumper but you’re not allowed to use Vanish on it and now you’re totally f**ked. - ‘That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold.’ (Lady Macbeth – Macbeth)
Pissed and ordering things off eBay at 2:45am. - ‘If I be waspish, best beware of my sting.’ (Katherine – As You Like It)
It’s full moon. You will only be warned of this once. - ‘Ask me not what I know. Exit.’ (Goneril – King Lear)
Look, I can’t explain the plot of The Little Drummer Girl either, so stop asking. - ‘My only love sprung from my only hate!’ (Juliet – Romeo and Juliet)
When you’re so hungover that all you want is French fries from McDonald’s. - ‘Methought I was enamoured of an ass.’ (Titania – A Midsummer Night’s Dream)
Remembering your university boyfriend.
