annie, miss hannigan, drunk, new years resolutions, new year, resolutions, stop drinking, dry january

“What are your New Year’s resolutions?”

  1. “Nothing. I achieved perfection last year. Your list must be MASSIVE though.”
  2. “To stand up straighter. And be less angry – no, actually, that isn’t going to work.”
  3. “I’m going to do yoga every day. Every other day. Once a week. Occasionally. It’s important to start the New Year being realistic.”
  4. “I am going to set my intentions for the New Year clearly so the Universe knows what I want: slower underarm hair growth, more time with my friends, a greater understanding of others when Mercury is in retrograde, smaller feet and a Burberry coat.”
  5. “I’m going to give up my gym membership because it’s just not social enough. I’m going to take up smoking instead – it’s much more interactive.”
  6. “We have the opportunity to begin anew every day. Each morning is a New Year to me. Would you like to hold one of my crystals? Wait, why are you running away?”
  7. “More sleep and more sex. But not at the same time. Well, I say that…”
  8. “I am not going to drunk-text my ex or send him naked selfies anymore. Or leave him voice messages where I’m crying and then shouting. That ship has sailed.”
  9. “It’s my resolution not to make any resolutions, which I am resolute about.”
  10. “I’m just going to be drunk ALL the time instead of only some of the time. I have started early. Why are there three of you? Do you mind if I just lie down here. I really want a pizza…”
  11. I don’t watch enough telly and that needs to change. And I don’t spend enough time with or on my sofa. That also needs to change. Nor have I been supporting Deliveroo in a way that would really benefit them – and THAT needs to change.”
  12. “What I always say – give me a year to think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
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