- “Nothing. I achieved perfection last year. Your list must be MASSIVE though.”
- “To stand up straighter. And be less angry – no, actually, that isn’t going to work.”
- “I’m going to do yoga every day. Every other day. Once a week. Occasionally. It’s important to start the New Year being realistic.”
- “I am going to set my intentions for the New Year clearly so the Universe knows what I want: slower underarm hair growth, more time with my friends, a greater understanding of others when Mercury is in retrograde, smaller feet and a Burberry coat.”
- “I’m going to give up my gym membership because it’s just not social enough. I’m going to take up smoking instead – it’s much more interactive.”
- “We have the opportunity to begin anew every day. Each morning is a New Year to me. Would you like to hold one of my crystals? Wait, why are you running away?”
- “More sleep and more sex. But not at the same time. Well, I say that…”
- “I am not going to drunk-text my ex or send him naked selfies anymore. Or leave him voice messages where I’m crying and then shouting. That ship has sailed.”
- “It’s my resolution not to make any resolutions, which I am resolute about.”
- “I’m just going to be drunk ALL the time instead of only some of the time. I have started early. Why are there three of you? Do you mind if I just lie down here. I really want a pizza…”
- “I don’t watch enough telly and that needs to change. And I don’t spend enough time with or on my sofa. That also needs to change. Nor have I been supporting Deliveroo in a way that would really benefit them – and THAT needs to change.”
- “What I always say – give me a year to think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
