moana, tattoo, body image, maui

What your tattoo says about you


The classic gap year choice. You wanted to do something rebellious, but rebellious in a Julie Andrews way. A dolphin is not scary. It’s squeaky and friendly and intelligent. Your parents still don’t know you have it.


You don’t understand constellations, but you slightly behave like you do. And you don’t read horoscopes, but you say things like, “I am SOOO Pisces, it’s a joke.” The truth is you literally could not think of anything to get, so you went for a star tattoo in the same way that you order chicken on a menu because you can’t decide what else you want.


You have taken many drugs. You have slept with many men. Now you eat buckwheat groats and make smoothies with dulse in them and feel a bit off your face when you take an aspirin.

Musical note

You can’t actually read music or play an instrument. You give away your lack of musical prowess by genuinely liking songs like Dancing in the Moonlight/Put Your Records On/anything by Ace of Base. Sometimes you stand in front of the mirror and mime along to Because of You by Kelly Clarkson and pretend it’s you winning American Idol. You have a job in accounting or HR. And you secretly have sun beds.


You drink heavily and see a very expensive shrink. You would rather die than use the underground and have a co-dependent, yet passive-aggressive, relationship with your mother. Meditation makes you bored out of your skull and you can only sleep if heavily sedated.


You are bad at maths but you like to tell people that numbers are the only universal truth. You pretend you know about lay lines and telling the time by looking at the sun, but you can’t even walk down the road without using maps on your iPhone.


You were head girl and you’ve never missed a deadline in your life.

Something in French

You do not speak French and the closest affiliation you have to Paris is how much you loved the final episodes of Sex and the City.

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