bridget jones' baby, renee zellweger, festival, mud, slippery, lockdown

What to say when people ask how your lockdown was

  • Was that lockdown? Oh, I just thought everyone had finally got the message to stop inviting me to things.
  • I don’t speak a new language, if that’s what you’re asking, but I am fluent in Netflix.
  • I meditated every day and I’m still really angry, so that’s been helpful and revealing – actually it wasn’t, it was just fucking annoying, stop asking me questions.
  • That whole snacking situation got pretty out of control, didn’t it?  Oh look, there’s a sandwich in my pocket – how did that get there?? *embarrassed laugh*
  • I exercised every day. For the first week. And then I pulled myself together and thought, ‘This needs to be an authentic experience! Stop trying to be someone you’re not! Lie back down on the sofa and have another mini Swiss roll.’ My mental health has never been better.
  • How long was lockdown in the end? Three? Ten? Fifteen years? Four weeks? An hour? Did anyone else enter another paradigm? Is time still a human concept or do we judge it according to how long are roots are now?
  • I broke up with my boyfriend for not being like Connell in Normal People. Being compared to a 20-year old Irish student when he is a 45-year old accounts manager didn’t seem that fair to him, but I just laughed bitterly and replied, ‘This is exactly what I’m talking about. Connell would never say something like that.’
  • What I can tell you is that I spent a lot of time looking at myself during Zoom meetings, thinking, ‘I’m definitely better lit from the right-hand side.’
  • I’ve decided that I will continue to implement the two-meter rule with a handful of people, regardless of when this is over.
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