girl with pearl earring, painting, spoof, selfie, portrait, profile picture

What your profile picture says about you

1. A photo that is over ten years old.

You don’t post much on Facebook. You’re a lurker. It actually disturbs people when you do post – like your marriage must be breaking up or you’ve lost your job or something.

2. A hot selfie

Fuck it. Everyone will say you look hot in comments. The narcissism will be totally justified. God bless PhotoWonder. And God bless filters.

3. Drunk

You have never had a job. Nor do you ever want one, apparently.

4. A famous person who looks like you

A fine line between comedy and vanity is being negotiated here.

5. You with a famous person

Oh God. Don’t be a fan, be a friend.

6. Something random like Snoopy or a butterfly

Being mysterious and taking the Zorro approach on Twitter is understandable and actually pretty smart. Disguising yourself on Facebook is like when a small child thinks they’re hiding just by putting their hands over their face.  

7. Bikini

Of course we’re looking at the lovely beach you’re on. Of course we’re not looking at your boobs.

8. With your kids

Most of your friends with kids have pictures of their kids in their photo, so you’ll have to as well because otherwise you’ll look like the one who doesn’t love their kids.

9. A charity filter from ages ago

It’s OK, we have gay marriage now.

10. Wedding photo

That dress cost a fortune and you looked gorgeous, so flog that horse until it’s dead.

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