family guy, fighting, battle, mid-conquer, success, ambition

What if you are not losing? What if you are mid-conquer?

Most of us are climbing some sort of mountain. Please God not physically but emotionally, professionally, financially, romantically, reproductively, domestically… we are all on the road to… where? I mean, it’s the journey that counts, right? But how to know when to get off the bus? We are all tired and uncertain. We are all hopeful and ambitious – even if that ambition is currently focussed on more sex/less negative fantasy/a side return/a seat on the board. So here’s my question: Why do we feel like we’re failing? Is it the panic that makes us feel like walking disappointments? Is it the total lack of a rock solid guarantee in any area of our lives? Is it the weariness?

What if we turned it around in our heads, this feeling of failure? This inability to see a finish line? What if we are not losing? What if we are mid-conquer? Because successful battles and feats and missions are not meant to be linear and assured and restful. What if the effort that we put in (and the rests that we must get better at giving ourselves) and the odd, floating sensation that we have about being somehow suspended within our own lives – as if in jelly – is all exactly as it should be?

Otherwise… what? A cardboard cut-out of a life, that’s what. An odd, box-ticking version of success. Achievement with no heart. A big hit… on paper.

No. That’s not you. It’s not me. It’s not us. Look around you. Look at the best and most impressive people in your life. They are all mid-conquer. And, because of that, they are already queens.

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