Conundrum: what do you do if you are over-worked, over-tired but also… over-excited? You used to have a party spirit. And you still do. Somewhere. You still feel that – now slightly shameful – urge to let off some steam in the form of (fairly heavy) drinking. But you also feel that – deeply necessary and potentially lifesaving – urge to be in bed by 10. How do these things reconcile? Can the space/time/sanity continuum even cope with these opposing forces? The answer is a resounding yes. Those pros among us harbour a little secret that, between us, we call Turbo Lash.
Turbo Lash is a technique designed to protect the (not so) innocent drinker from self-destruct whilst also enabling the letting down of hair and the scratching of the itch. It’s simple and effective and harnesses two principles: distillation and efficiency. Gone are the days when you’d be out from 8pm until 3am; that’s a full working day for God’s sake. For Turbo Lash to stand a hope in hell of proving itself worthy, you need to start at 6pm. 7pm at the very latest. No niceties, no messing about ‘where shall we go for dinner?’ Just focus. Make sure everyone is on the same page to ensure a timely blast off and equally hymn-sheet-aligned about calling time on the lash. No later than 10pm. During that window of time you can do whatever the hell you like. Shots? Fine. Grappa? Sure. Champagne? Do it.
Forget pumpkins, footmen and mislaid glass slippers; if you carry on past 10pm you have left Turbo Lash territory and entered the Death Zone. And then all is lost. Do not get carried away. Stick to the itinerary. Military precision. Mission accomplished. You went to the ball. Had the ball. You are still a baller. Properly managed, there’s life in the old lasher yet.