fargo, frances mcdormond, cold, freezing, weird behaviour, cold behaviour

Weird things the cold makes us do

  1. That’s an interesting outfit. You look like a geography teacher taking a bunch of unruly kids on a Duke of Edinburgh trip to Siberia. Are you sure you meant to post a picture of yourself in this get-up? Or do you have brain freeze?
  2. Heating is expensive, OK? And Brexit means you will probably stop getting any electricity or gas anyway, so you might as well get used to it. That’s why you have taken to shoving a hot water bottle up your jumper and wearing a dressing gown over your clothes. You look like someone in the midst of a serious breakdown who should not be left unsupervised around prescription medication or sharp objects.
  3. WOW, that’s a lot of sugar you’re eating. Your need to refuel in this cold has taken a mysterious turn, with you now consuming chocolate at all hours of the day, ‘to keep your strength up’. You feel like this is a necessary practicality and are rejecting salad. Salad is too cold.
  4. Why are you clinging to the radiator like that? Like you were Rose in Titanic and there’s only room for you on it (don’t get us started #Murderess)
  5. Why do you keep touching the tip of your nose? It’s not actually going to be able to tell you the temperature. Nor does its coldness indicate that you have hypothermia.
  6. You have become a list bore and are now opening conversations detailing how many layers you’re wearing, “OK, so I have on a vest, a thermal vest, a long sleeved top, a jumper, a scarf, a hat, gloves and a gilet and I’m still freezing my arse off.”
  7. You have taken to wearing your coat over your knees when you go to a restaurant, like the Queen (if we’re being generous). Or just someone in their nineties.
  8. You have started drinking tea with both hands clasped around your mug, like you were in a soup advert.
  9. There is a reason that Highland cattle can exist in freezing temperatures where others of their species can’t and that’s because of their coarse, shaggy coats. You have taken this on board. As a result, all body hair has been left to grow free. The thought of removing any form of extra insulation is currently unthinkable.
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