Sometimes we have to admit that we are powerless to change certain things. And with that acceptance comes healing. Ish.
That politicians are awful.
You are hoping and praying for a new one. A fresh one. Thinking that the answer is right around the corner. But they are all – on a certain level – awful. If they effectively zip up their human suits and pretend to be ‘get it’ they are proved to be lying. It’s hard to know how to live in a world where the people making decisions about your life are monstrous. Do you march? Oh no, you can’t, because Priti Patel will have you arrested. So you just get cross and curmudgeonly. That’s where you are…curmudgeonly. The Unwilling Curmudgeon. Which helps no one.
That however much cleaning you do, there’s always more cleaning to do.
Like a modern day *insert Greek myth punishment person* we’ve been lying awake at night fixating on cupboards full of stuff; the solid mould that has taken up residence in the rubber seal of the washing machine; the fact that it costs 27p of electricity to bake a potato in the oven which we’ve never ‘really’ cleaned. Or the bit under the oven with the baking trays in. Or the baking trays.
That our to-do lists will always have something massive on them. Next to something tiny.
Sew on coat button…replace the roof. Book the hygienist…Write a will. It’s like a very uneven see-saw. Perhaps, you think, you might feel better if you put all the ‘heavy’ stuff on a different list. An Important List. And then you can just forget about it.
That something is always going to hurt a little bit…
Do you tumble out of bed like an SAS man rolling through sniper fire only much, much slower and land on the floor with a humiliating thump? Are you worried that your fingers will always be a little bit numb? Will you re-slip the other disc if you sneeze. Headaches?
That certain pictures will never be hung
They may be framed. They may be ready. But they will not be hung. How? Nail? Hammer? Handyman? A hundred quid. Ask a friend? Embarrassing.
That certain shoes will never be worn.
They were bought at a sample sale. They sit in a box. You wonder if you will ever wear them. They hurt around the bunions. You will never them.
That it’s impossible to make new friends
You are only drawn to people who also don’t want to leave the house.
That the only thing you want on a website is sold out
WHY DO THEY LEAVE IT ON THERE? So you sign up for the wishlist thing. Then you will always miss the back in stock email so it has sold out again or it will come back in stock at a time when you’ve run out of money…
That you are never going to be part of those highbrow Oscars conversations
Because you have never seen the film. Like that dog film with Benedict Cumberbatch in it? Was it The Year of the Dog? A quick Google reveals that The Year of The Dog is about a woman who goes from having one pet dog to turning vegan and becoming an animal rights activist. *Googles*. The Power of the Dog. But is it about a dog?
No matter how much we sleep or don’t sleep or nap or don’t nap, we are still going to be tired.
It’s The Great Exhaustion. You feel like an old laptop unable to reboot because it’s running out of disc space. Emotional exhaustion can’t be solved by sleep. As if you could sleep.