paddington bear, paddington, escalator, wandering thoughts, things you think about, drifting mind

Things we think about on the escalator

That weird rush of air

Helpful after the sweat-fest on the tube.

Can you get sucked in?

Of course you can get sucked in. Sucked into the escalator machinery, where malformed thieves and mutated rats live in a criminal underworld of dark, damp, interconnected tunnels, sending their spies out (those mice you see scampering along the tracks) to keep obs on you.

People standing still on the left

From the same family of rage you feel when people drive the wrong way down a one-way street. The explosion at their ignorance and stupidity. How could anyone be so selfish, so thoughtless, so unaware of British culture, etiquette and basic human decency as to stand on the wrong side of the escalator?

What if the stairs just flattened?

What if the stairs just suddenly disappeared and created a huge flat slide and everyone got wiped out in one go? It could happen. The malformed criminals are probably working on it as we speak.

Will my heel get stuck?

Don’t walk up the stairs. Your heels might get stuck and then you’ll be blocking the left hand side like some obnoxious tourist and everyone will hate you. Or you might end up jamming the whole thing when you hit the top or get shredded when it suddenly opens up and you drop into the mincer.

Other people’s shoes

Where did that person in front of me get their leopard-print converse and is it weird to ask them?

Can I slide down the bit in the middle?

They slide down the middle in films, even though there are bumps in real life to stop you. Who thought of those bumps and why are those people so un-fun?

Shall I try walking up a down escalator or down an up escalator?


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