Getting out of bed every single day
This is exacerbated by the fact that for most of the night, I didn’t want to be in bed. I was wretched and thrashing around, wide awake and deranged. Then I miraculously went to sleep – but was woken 40 minutes later by the alarm when I was at my sleepiest, cosiest, warmest, most relaxed. And now I have to GET UP? BUT I GOT UP YESTERDAY.
Paying tax every year
Look, these HMRC people have already been paid. All I do is pay them – and then before I know it, I have to pay them again. They get the money I wanted to spend on a sofa, whereas I get nothing? How does that work? Surely we’ve reached the point where THEY owe ME money?
Being expected to go to the gym. Repeatedly.
Oh, I get it. I turn up to this torture chamber, I die several times on the cross-trainer, made worse by the fact that the TV isn’t even working, so I’m pounding with just MY THOUGHTS for entertainment. Then I’m pulling things and lifting things and pressing things with my legs and I’m sweating and crying and exhausted and I have to keep coming back? Whose idea was this anyway?
Wait. I have to go to work AGAIN?
I’ve been so many times already, this is getting ridiculous.
Taking supplements every morning
Every morning, I gulp these damn things down. I’m taking something to help me sleep, help me wake up, help me stay awake, help my skin, help my hair, help my nails, help my black soul. When will I be my best self? And, when I am, can I stop?
Washing my hair
I washed it two days ago and now it wants to be washed again. All I do is wash my hair. No wonder I never have any time to go out, my hair won’t let me.
Emptying the dishwasher
They can put a man on the moon but I still have to put the same damn plates away in a never-ending cycle of monotony? What kind of sick world are we living in?