matrix reloaded, tech, gadgets, fight scene, bullets

These things might change your life

Technological breakthroughs often feel as though they are for other people. And yet – what with the speed of progress – these may have a serious impact on your 2017. Anyway here’s some of the smart list according to

1. Self-driving trucks

Hang on a second. Do we have self-driving cars yet? No because everyone is worried that as soon as someone gets into a self-driving car they will fall asleep and the cars will continue unmonitored towards certain death. So self-driving trucks aren’t scary at all are they?

2. Paying with your face

This is already available in China where facial recognition technology is off the scale (partly because they have a huge data bank on their citizens. Hmmm). There you can check your Uber driver’s face to check he’s not a murderer pick up your rail tickets with your face and shop with your face. But what happens if you get one of those over-tired eye twitches and accidentally buy a car?

3. Computers with unimaginable power (*mwahahaha*)

You know that thing where you are like, “Can I afford this much on my contract for this much extra data?” And then you sit and do the data maths. No more. With the Quantum-something-Computer you will be able to hack the Pentagon from your loft extension without breaking a data sweat.

4. The 360 degree selfie

Because it’s not just your slightly raised, turned, chin out, taken from above, filtered to the high heavens face that looks good. Is it? Oh no, every angle must be documented. Terrifying.

5. The clever condom

Wouldn’t be nice if someone/thing could tell you how many calories you’ve burned during sex, how many thrusts you did, positions, compared you to men all around the world, with a kind of grading of your performance? Is this what men have always wanted? Welcome to the fitbit for your bit, a little ring that sits on your thing and collects your information. Complete with a handy indicator in case there are any STIs present. Catchy.

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