I am one of those annoying people who looks forward to everything. EVERYTHING. I am excited by quizzes, parties, play dates, dinners, meetings, box sets. Gosh I am enthusiastic. You are definitely thinking I am annoying now.
But then this thing happens. The excitement flips, starts to morph and shape-shift and adrenalin flows through my body, and then my brain kicks in. And then everything flips, all that positive energy inverts and BOOM. I am a nervous, tired, wreck. And I haven’t even leapt out of bed yet. And. Oh. Suddenly I am brimming over with dread. Which makes me normal I suppose.
Can I go out? What am I going to wear? What about the meeting the next day? Will the children lie on the floor in front of the door screaming or FaceTime me howling about why I am never home?
This is anticipation exhaustion. It’s not the doing that tires me out. It’s the thinking about it. It’s not the going out, it’s the pre-match nerves and the endless internal negotiations we have to make with ourselves everytime we step out of the door. Have I remembered my keys, do I need to pee, how tired am I on a scale of one to insanity? Have I got my floss?
I am a rare bird, I know, because of my oppressive levels of excitement. But then they turn on me. Others, I am told, have a kind of U-shaped experience: Thrilled when they make the plan, appalled as the plan looms, excited just before. A bit like life. I’m sure you will know that they have done huge swathes of research to unlock the bleeding obvious: happy as a young ‘un, crazed with pressure and worry in the mid, serene and cheerful as an oldie. So everything is going to be absolutely fine.