Really loud heels of someone walking behind you
I am trying to talk to someone on the phone (rare) and all I can hear is CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK like a hammer in my soul.
Drilling
They’re not trying to fix the road, they’re trying to test your sanity in the crudest way possible. It’s a conspiracy and you are the victim – you may beg to be lobotomised just to make it stop.
Laptop whirring
Errr…what’s your problem? I sat you on my lap and now you’re volcanically hot and wheezing like an asthmatic cat threatening to die right here and now? Do not grow an attitude just because my whole life revolves around you and you know it.
Automatic sound from a website/ad you can’t turn off
Why does this only ever happen at work when everyone else is completely silent and studious, but you’re bored and thought you’d give Facebook a quick check? They’re all looking at spreadsheets and you’ve got, ‘Hey guys, what’s up with Kanye West and those lyrics about Kim on his new album? We’ve got all the hottest celebrity news on TMZ!’ blaring out for all the world to hear.
Mumbling on television
There’s a reason 2,200 people complained about the mumbling in the BBC’s adaption of Jamaica Inn in 2014 and that’s because it’s annoying. Not because we are deaf.
Alarm next door
Shouldn’t have gone away, should they?
Car alarms at night
A leaf landed on the bonnet of that car and now it’s behaving like Mariah Carey being told they couldn’t get the unicorn she specified on her rider.
Foxes having sex
Nobody can be enjoying this, least of all them.
People eating
There is a scientific explanation for this! It’s called misophonia! It’s when the brain has an irrational emotional response to a trigger sound like chewing and it effects 20% of the population! You are in that 20% and it’s not your fault!
People breathing
Just die, won’t you?
Drunk laughter
WHY SO LOUD? WHY SO OBNOXIOUS? YOU’RE NOT FUNNY. SLAP.
Unwrapping sweets in the cinema
Thanks for waiting until the quiet scenes before rummaging around in your packet of Werthers Originals. Really appreciate that.
Characters drinking tea on The Archers
The slurping. The post-sip sighing. It’s disgusting. Cows giving birth make less noise than this.
