- Suggest you all meet outdoors for Christmas picnic. No one will agree. In the unlikely event that anyone does, they won’t be able to take it for long as you hop from foot to foot in the freezing cold. Go home, pleased with yourself and order a takeaway. Sweet.
- Nothing says Christmas like not moving from the sofa for three days so you can watch TV until you are borderline comatose. The good news about this year is that social distancing means you have plenty of room to spread out for the breaks you’ll need for naps before you start your Home Alone triple bill.
- You can’t sing carols. Your saliva may not be safe. Suggest a silent carol disco instead, where you all go off into separate rooms and listen to carols on your headphones alone. Then don’t listen to carols. Put on Sounds of the 90s, but silently mouth ‘Once in Royal David’s City’ if someone comes into the room.
- No presents. Tell people the communal touching of wrapping paper is not hygienic and that your decision has resulted in you giving them the greatest gift of all this year – their health.
- Leave hand sanitiser and some printed information about track and trace out for Father Christmas this year.
- Explain that you have heard eating cold roast potatoes for breakfast on Boxing day boosts immunity as you crunch your way through some leftovers.
- Games. Play ‘Which Tier am I?’ A new game for 2020 where you read out a rule from a tier and everyone has to guess which one it’s from until you all get so frustrated that you are in… tiers.
- Keep some mulled wine in a hot water bottle, like a heated hip flask. Carry that thing around with you like Sebastian Flyte and Aloysius in Brideshead. Take a swig whenever you see someone wearing a mask under their nose.
