The jewellery box untangle
This requires the same levels of concentration as a game of Operation, but it’s a hundred times more tactile and satisfying – and you can reclaim the giant tasselled earrings you binge bought this summer, and immediately lost to the box.
The relaxing peel
Spot squeezing and cuticle peeling can take the edge off a mental crisis, but they usually replace a theoretical problem with an immediate, aesthetic crisis. What you really need is an old fashioned pot of PVA glue, covered in satisfying lumps to pull off. But in the event of being unable to break into a primary school, a cheap peel off face mask will do the job. If it’s an especially bad day, smear some on your forearm.
The Blu-tack sculpture
Can you work your anguish into a tangible, artistic form using nothing but the lump of old, fluffy blu-tack that perpetually lurks on your desk or bookshelf? If you’re struggling to get in the mood, sing Unchained Melody until you’re thinking with your fingers. Chewing gum can be used in the most dire of emergencies.
The velvet graffiti game
When the world is rubbing you up the wrong way, you need to do as you’re being done to. A velvet cushion or a chenille rug is ideal, or a sequinned dress will do in a pinch. Rub the fabric backwards and write out your frustrations – e.g. “TIM IS A BELLEND” – and once you’ve spelt out your feelings, you can smoothe them away again. So soothing.
The Beano method
It doesn’t matter how mature you claim to be – you can doodle away a bad mood in half an hour with a biro, a newspaper and a priapic creative vision. Politicians are obvious targets when you’re making your literal dickheads – don’t forget to go for the celebrities you detest without being able to fully articulate why! This is why it’s imperative that we keep print media alive.
By Daisy Buchanan @notrollergirl