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Sex translations

  1. “Harder! HARDER!” = Hurry up.
  2. “Would you like a leetle dreenk?” said in a French accent = I could get quite filthy this evening.
  3. “Let’s mix it up” = The way we are currently doing it is making my back hurt.
  4. “I really like it when you touch THIS like THAT” = Please stop what you’re doing now because it is not working for me.
  5. “Talk dirty to me” = Desperately trying to find some enthusiasm here.
  6. “You’re the first person who’s ever done that to me” = I’m too embarrassed to tell you how many times I’ve done that with how many other people…
  7. “When I come back in this room, I won’t be wearing any knickers” = I’ve just remembered I’m wearing my worst period pants and I don’t want you to see them.
  8. “Do that again” = And get it right this time.
  9. “Do you have any particular fantasies?” = So I can tell my friends about them.
  10. “It’s OK, I don’t come every time” = Goodbye.
  11. “How about a little role-play?” = Now I can legitimately pretend you’re Idris Elba.
  12. “Let’s do it standing up” = Then surely I won’t have to do my daily squats.
  13. “Let’s do it on the sofa” = So we can start watching Netflix straight after without having to get up.
  14. “I’ll definitely be up for it tomorrow night” = Believe that and you’ll believe anything.
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