female reindeer, meme, antlers, winter, santa, sleigh, female power, secret female power

Secret female power

  • In the same way that Julius Caesar would never have said, ‘Et tu, Brute?’ because all educated Romans spoke Greek, not Latin, the reindeer who pull Father Christmas’s sleigh should not have male names. Male reindeer actually lose their antlers in winter, while females keep theirs. So Dancer and Prancer and the gang – that is a full girl squad
  • The female octopus is not a girl who dreams of a Harry and Sandra Redknapp relationship. She’s more of a wham, bam, thank you ma’am type. Her post-coital pillow talk usually involves no talking, because she’s too busy strangling her date. She may also then feed off him. Which just goes to show how un-wasteful women are.
  • The genitals of a male baby in the uterus are formed from what was once a clitoris. It just grows out and the labia fuse to form the scrotum. What that means is, a penis is just a diluted, less potent version of what women are packing down there. We have 8,000 nerve endings. They have 4,000. Sorry, boys.
  • The average life expectancy of a woman in the UK is 83. It’s 77 for men. *sobs sexily over a grave like Monica Belluci in a Dolce & Gabanna ad*
  • The male offspring of killer whales tend not to leave their mothers as their chances of survival drop rapidly when they do. That’s right. A bunch of mummy’s boys.
  • Because women have more fat on their bodies than muscle, unlike men, women have a metabolic advantage and can survive longer in famine conditions. It also means women use fewer resources like fuel and water. In short, women are better for the environment. *marries David Attenborough*
  • The Queen has two birthdays and Prince Philip only has one. Wipe your tears, PP – and fetch your wife another piece of cake.
  • Speaking of queens – the Queen Bee is the Beyoncé of the bee world. Her job is to lie around getting laid while her daughters survey her kingdom. The male drones are not allowed to take on any of these supervising roles. They are the queen’s harem and must satisfy her needs. During mating, their testicles explode and they die. Plus they have only one set of chromosomes, unlike the female bees, which makes them much more vulnerable to disease. To conclude – weaker. With worse jobs. 
  • ‘Someday my prince will come,’ sang no lioness ever. Lionesses can mate up to 100 times a day with different males. And then go out and kill dinner. They also tend to stay with their prides for life, while the males leave after about three years. SEE YA, SHUT THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT. 
  • Male bowerbirds have to literally bring real estate into the deal if they want to impress the bowerbird girls. Not only do they have to show off their dance moves, the bower boys must build a bower house out of sticks, which they sometimes decorate with flowers to demonstrate they’ll make good providers. However, bower girls are notoriously picky. If it ain’t no mansion, girlfriend will be moving on.
  • Female dragonflies fake death in order to avoid mating. Just leaving that thought there…
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