The car
If someone calls the police, at least you can start the engine and leave. Even if you are still screaming.
The disabled loo
It’s always the quickest to get to, it usually doesn’t have a queue and most importantly, it’s private. Yes, all of the above make your choice deeply unethical and your meltdown will probably be worse because you’ll also be feeling guilty. No one said this was going to be easy.
The department store loo
Will the perpetual sound of hand-dryers drown out the sound of your howling? Please say yes.
The shower at the gym
You are naked, savage and roaring like an escapee from a Victorian asylum who has just been hosed down with cold water to steady her nerves. If you then discover when you open the cubicle door that someone has also taken your towel, things might get very Hand That Rocks The Cradle around here.
The lift at work
In theory, lifts are quite restful, private spaces. Until the doors unexpectedly open and three people from sales get in and you are crying so hysterically that everyone is too scared to ask what’s wrong with you.
In your old bedroom at your parents’ house
You have been possessed by the spirit of your deranged teenaged old self. No wonder you’ve lost it.
The cupboard where you keep your vacuum cleaner and ironing board
There may not be time to fling them both out, which may involve some manoeuvring on your part – but once you’re in and the door is shut, you can scream quite happily. And then maybe do a bit of tidying afterwards.
In the middle of the street
Sometimes madness takes its grip and you are at its mercy – and then all the rules become obsolete and you must express your rage/horror/frustration/desperation as and when the moment strikes. Like right now. In the middle of the street. Look, that person is actually filming you.
