If you need to cancel, you need to cancel. We all know that. But sometimes it’s so hard. Because you need to cancel but your reason just sounds pathetic. Truly pathetic. Unacceptably pathetic. Problematically pathetic. And yet true. So terribly true…
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I washed the duvet cover and it’s going to take the rest of the night to put the duvet back in. In fact, I’m texting from inside the duvet cover where I’m having a little sit down because it’s all too much. And God I’m sweaty.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I haven’t had a pedicure and you are a no shoe house and I can’t bear to pad around your cream carpet in socks like a half-wit.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I don’t have the energy for all this. *gestures vaguely*
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I am too cold.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I am too hot.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but it’s really difficult to drive to your place. There’s never any parking and all those street narrowing poles are scary. And then there’s that maze of tiny streets that really should be one way and you have to reverse for miles to let someone go past or just sit there until one of you is dead.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I started doing a spreadsheet of my finances and now I can’t stop until I’ve sorted everything out including my pension, will and oh my God this is my life.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I’ve suddenly realised that I don’t like you and I am hoping if I cancel enough you will just stop asking. I realise this is the coward’s way but it’s my way and I am sticking with it.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I hate all my clothes, I have been standing in front of my wardrobe for the last half hour feeling increasing desperate and angry and I had a panic attack trying to get out of a Cos dress.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but Donald Trump is here and I don’t feel safe all of a sudden.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I am stuck in a vortex of self-loathing and I will just want to cry in your downstairs loo and we all know that the wifi is not very good in there so best stay at home.
- I am sorry I won’t make it but I’ve been sitting on my bed in a towel for the last hour and I think this is where I belong now.