The fact is, we’re all rotting our brains and eyes by staring at tiny screens all day and missing life while we’re about it. It’s time to break the habit and start noticing the world around us. Only one thing for it – stop answering emails. All of them. Healthy mind, healthy outlook. Everyone will understand. Instagram is fine by the way.
Sometimes you just need to cut out all external chatter to reconnect with yourself. There’s no need to go to an ashram to reap the benefits of this practice – just refuse to speak to anyone. Clarify the journey you are on by holding up a card that says, ‘I am on a silent retreat. You can sponsor me if you like. Just put some money in my pocket, thanks.’
Training for a marathon
A marathon is not just something you can do on the spur of the moment. It takes training. It takes preparation. It takes commitment. You will need to order in, cancel all your plans, prepare your sofa (definitely get a blanket in case you need to take a break for a much needed sleep). You are now ready for your Game of Thrones re-watch marathon. Rank each episode. See if you can remember more than three names. Who has shagged whom? When does Jon Snow look the cutest? Wow, you’ve got your work cut out.
New Year, New you’ve-no-idea-who-you’re-dealing-with
No more Mrs Nice Midult. It’s 2020 and you are going to unleash hell like it’s full moon every day and you are no longer in control of your faculties. This should be fun!
Treat all those around you to nothing but a ceaseless string of witty remarks for the whole of January.
No refined sugar
By refined we mean the high-end, expensive shit. The grand kind, covered in cocoa powder, with booze in it. Keep it real with family boxes of Heroes, multipacks of Toffee Crisps and the dregs of the Christmas Quality Streets…