You know, hell you know, that there are major inconveniences that threaten to derail you – like roofs leaking in or chest infections or divorce or depression. And then there a million mini inconveniences that are just so ducking annoying. You know that they are not the end of the world. So why are our reactions so violent… to things like:
Ducking hell. Which just serves as a mini mood aggravator.
A 4:45pm meeting
Not late enough for full hating. But just annoying enough to make you worry that you are going to be late out of the office or tired and therefore not so, erm, sharp.
When something doesn’t come in the delivery
Driver: I know can you believe it?
Me: No. I can’t.
When you can’t get your earring into the hole
It was perfectly fine yesterday morning and when you took it out last night, but this morning you are stabbing and stabbing and you cannot get it in and it’s beginning to hurt and you are like, ‘I am 43 why is this happening?’
Accepting a parcel for next door
Yes, we like our neighbours, yes we are going to hell, but it’s just a little bit ducking irritating.
Sky TV crashing
When someone arrives after you in the cinema and everyone has to stand up
You made it to the actual cinema for the first time since you went to see the first 50 Shades with a friend as a joke and you sit down and then you have to get up. And move your bags, stop talking and juggle the popcorn.
Sock slipping off inside your shoe
Should you stop to take off your shoe and start again, or can you limp on? This is a metaphor for life if ever I’ve written one.
Person in front of you using Apple pay
When they have none of your favourite Pret sandwich left
When someone loses phone connection and you do that ring back thing…
When people arrive for lunch a little early
Hi! Hiiii! How are you? You know, still half in my pyjamas and the table is not laid but broadly fine.
When someone is undecided about their shoe on or shoe off policy
You know you get to a house and there’s a half-hearted ‘Should I take them off?’ And one host says yes and the other says no. So you don’t. And you know that the decorating one is looking at you full of hate as you bound up the plush carpeted stairs in your black boots.
When your cross-trainer is out of order
Yes, of course you could use the ski thingy, or try something else new or even use another cross-trainer but you like that cross trainer and this puts you off-balance. “I have had a properly bad morning.”
When you just get into the car and you realise you nearly need the loo
And you cannot be bothered to get out again and unlock the house so you will just have to take that pre-pee feeling with you all the way there and back again.