Ladies, wherever you are, if you exist, we salute you.
The Lottery Winner
She just had one shiny two-pound coin in her pocket. She’d never played the lottery before, but hey, she thought, ‘I’ll buy a ticket,’ and BOOM she won five million quid, paid off her mortgage, bought all of Ganni and headed off on a Midult gap life.
The Person Who Is Married To Someone They Met On Tinder
Oh, you know so-and-so who’s a friend of so-and-so’s? Anyway his sister’s cousin met someone on Tinder and they are getting married in Capri this year. So romantic. This story somehow neutralises all of the hopelessness, like a sexual encounter Etch A Sketch. Enough for you to keep swiping, in a totally dispirited fashion.
The Woman Who Put On Three Stone And Became Unprecedentedly Happy In Her Own Skin
There we are constantly wondering how many biscuits is too many biscuits and there she is, this mythical creature who is just happy with her weight and whose husband has never fancied her more. No more looking back at pictures from 20 years ago and cursing herself for thinking she was fat then. Someone, somewhere is having all the bread and all the sex.
The Woman Who Didn’t Wake Up Just Before The Orgasm In Her Dream
Listen, there must be a woman out there who manages it and is able not to wake up just at the start of the best orgasm of both her waking and subconscious lives. Reinforces the possibility of a happy ending.
The Woman Who Let Her Hair Go Grey And Has Never Looked Younger
Not the woman who hasn’t had time to get her roots done and is looking a bit wild, like she’s coming undone. Not the woman who is experimenting with a silver wash in a baby-step way to transitioning to grey. Not the woman who has a root wand that is not really working out for her. No, this woman went grey and is suddenly an Instagram influencer with a million followers and a shampoo deal with L’Oréal. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
The Woman Who Had A Brilliantly Life-Changing Idea In The Middle Of The Night, Didn’t Write It Down And Remembered It The Next Morning
From I’m Absolutely Fine! A Manual For Imperfect Women by Annabel Rivkin and Emilie McMeekan of The Midult