January – What’s the point of anything?
February – How can this be worse than January?
At least January is close to December and its Christmas glow. But this. THIS?
March – Why am I still wearing a thermal vest?
Why are my fingertips blue? Why do I have a hot water bottle up my jumper? Is that snow? What will my heating bill look like? Should I stop eating to save money to pay it? Why don’t I have more money? Why don’t I live in California? Why aren’t I Kaia Gerber? Am I going to get rickets from a lack of Vitamin D?
April – OK, this cannot be spring
I’ve never felt so gloomy in my life.
May – Where the hell has the year gone?
Wait. It’s May? But it can’t be. Christmas was only… four months ago. Oh. *checks crows feet in the mirror*
June – Why did I bother buying fake tan?
Seeing as I’m going to be wearing jeans and a jumper for the rest of my life, thanks to this perpetual rain.
July – I can’t bear the heat it’s so humid and boiling and it’s making me PANIC
Air conditioners sold out. Fans sold out. Barbecues sold out. I hate England.
August – I am the only person not on holiday
September – Back to school terror
I left school in 1709 and yet I’m still anxious about whether I’ll do OK this term.
October – DARK
Get up in the dark. Get home in the dark. Might as well be a mole.
November – I will never see the sun again
Unfollowing anyone on my Instagram feed who is on holiday because what right have they????????? How very dare they???????? Vulgar.