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Midult lightbulb moments

Not texting is always better in the long run than texting

You’re angry. You’re upset. You’re hurt. Just don’t put it in writing. Because one day you won’t be any of those things and then you’ll just feel like a dick.

Tax pays for things like infrastructure and education

It’s not just a punishment that means you can’t go on holiday. Nor is it for MPs to build moats or buy second flats to keep their mistresses in. It’s actually to keep our streets clean and our hospitals free. Oh.

It’s restaurateur, not restauraNteur

What happened to the ‘n’? Why was it never there? And how were we supposed to know that?

How to pronounce schedule

It’s SHED not SKED. Unless you are AMERICAN. If you ARE an American, as you were. If you are NOT, make some time in your schedule to learn how to say schedule correctly.

Sleeping in late does not give you sleep credit

This is very disappointing. And unfair. Human biology needs a good looking at because by rights, the more you sleep, the more awake you should be when you’re awake. Who even designed the stupid human brain? We want our money back.

Bitcoins are not actually coins

They’re pretend coins that don’t actually exist. Like when you were little and you had your own pretend shop. Little did you know that you were already dealing in a version of bitcoins. You were so much cleverer then.

Manage your foil

At either end of your foil box, there are two little flaps you can push in that will sit inside the roll your foil is wrapped around, keeping the roll secured in the box when you use it. They’ve always been there, ignored in all their genius. Stop people in the street and tell them this.

Orgasms get rid of headaches

Cheaper than paracetamol. Try it.

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