- Calories [noun]: tiny creatures that live in your wardrobe and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
- Hormones [noun]: a secreted compound that does not tolerate parties of differing opinion and exercises dictatorial control over the freedom, will, or thought of others.
- Debt [noun]: when your bank discriminates against your desire to financially support the fashion industry.
- Sleep [noun]: a mythical or conceptual creature that comes and goes at whim.
- Pension planning [noun]: a succession of unreal, fantastical images, thoughts, or emotions passing irrationally through the mind with no action taken.
- Alcohol [noun]: an alchemic preparation that acts as an essential moral, emotional, physical and psychological crutch.
- eBay [noun]: a magical land that appears usually in the early hours of the morning (see sleep).
- FOMO [noun]: the period on Instagram between May and August.
- Gym [noun]: barbaric institution where the condemned pay their torturers.
- Hangover [noun]: the total cessation of all vital functions both physical and emotional.
- Cancellation [noun]: a state of intense happiness verging on delirium.
- Crying [verb]: an often inexplicable act that presents features or qualities so triggering as to arouse morbid curiosity or pointless speculation.
- Mercy shag [noun]: the principle or practice of unselfish concern for, or devotion to the welfare of others.
- Paranoia [noun]: a standard, rule or principle that is used as a basis for everyday judgment.
- Voicemail [noun]: a terrifying demonic invention in which the recipient experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, fear, horror and incalculable rage towards the person who left the message.
