- All this lying around and yet you would rather have your hand in a bowl of crisps than down someone else’s trousers.
- Now that we’re cultivating our winter coats by getting a bit slack about shaving or waxing, who has the energy to navigate all that hair?
- There’s Idris Elba on an advert about Sky. He’s wearing a nice jumper and he’s smiling that hottest-man-alive smile. He’s talking in that ‘Yes, I really am this handsome’ voice. There’s Simon, Duke of Hastings, licking a spoon. Tom Hardy, growling in YouTube clips of Taboo. And yet you still can’t get it up for any of them because you just want to stare at the wall.
- Sex requires energy – but today’s energy got used up going to the kitchen and opening a packet of biscuits. Completely spent now. Might have a little sleep.
- Why would you have sex when you could be watching Call My Agent! and wishing you were in Paris drinking tiny cups of coffee and smoking, hmm?
- Yes, it could kill fifteen minutes, but so could trimming your own split ends with a pair of nail scissors.
- Wearing tracksuit bottoms and your comfiest, ugliest bra just does not feel like an authentic starting point for amorous engagement. When was the last time you even washed your hair? DO YOU still wash your hair?
- Dry January was not just about alcohol. It referred to all fluids and was meant to encourage all kinds of abstinence. Didn’t you know that? Have you not heard of Dry February? Well, really it’s Dry Late Winter Early Spring and apparently it’s very good for the body. Like a kind of reset. Just really want to find out if it works.
