wallace shawn, the princess bride, unbelievable, inconceivable


You can’t believe it… You say this all the time, sometimes shaking your internal head. Sometimes you say it out loud. Because you just can’t believe…

…how mad you feel

How is it possible to feel this mad and still be standing and talking and behaving like a standing, talking human? How? With all the feelings flying at us: the stunning sadness, ravening rage, giggling hysteria and unexpected horn. Oh hello…

…how cold it is

It is so cold for this time of year. “Aren’t you cold?” You say avuncularly to the person in the t-shirt with no tights and a midi skirt, as you sit shivering in a Parka and heat-tech polo neck. Soooooooo. Cold. You are probably very thin. Very thin people are professionally cold.

…how hot it is

It’s so warm, balmy even, you are even tempted to get off the bus and walk some of the way. You have tied your jacket awkwardly round your waist and are rifling around looking for your sunglasses as you aim your face towards the weak warmth like a pathetic sunflower. Also you wonder if you might smell a bit.

…how dark it is

Where have the evenings gone? It’s so dark. Is it always this dark? One minute you were outside barbecuing and then it’s as if someone just turned the lights out. How many years have you been living with the seasons? How is it still an unbelievable surprise?

…that Mercury is not in retrograde

Mercury simply has to be in retrograde. Because you keep upsetting/stressing/annoying everyone you know. You can’t believe it’s not Mercury. You: It must be Mercury. Narrator: It isn’t Mercury.

…that it will be a “quick” chat/meeting/drink

It never is. You know this by now. Everything takes forever. Everything takes time you don’t have.

…that it’s going to be OK in the end

HOW DO YOU KNOW? You don’t. The end.

…that all the chocolate is gone

What? Wait? Someone else must have eaten it, you are doing the 16-hour fast thingy. So it most definitely wasn’t you.

…that 2043 is closer than 1990

There is NO WAY that is possible. You know it’s not true. *makes mental note to write a will*

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