stepford wives, atm, money, imaginary money, imaginary savings, money worries, money anxiety, cash

Here, have some imaginary money

Despite a lifetime of telling myself that I’m bad with money and maths, I have just discovered the most enormous nest egg, a magic money tree of my very own. It’s funding all sorts of sprees. Even when life looks quite dark and difficult, I can somehow discover enough spare cash for a cheering treat.

Of course, it isn’t actual cash sterling. That would be ridiculous and impossible. What I have is a Savings Account of the Mind. I’m making daily deposits. I’m positively rolling in imaginary money.

Observe. On 25th October, the Liberty Advent calendar was released – an event I anticipated with so much excitement that I put the on sale date in my own normal, 12-month calendar. Some people would say that a lapsed Catholic woman of 32 has no business spending slightly less than £200 on an item that is typically intended for children, or the religiously observant. How could I afford to spend so much on something so frivolous? Well, thanks to the simultaneous extended holidays of my therapist and my cleaner, I’d “saved up” more than enough – there was plenty in my ISA. (Imaginary Savings Amount.)

Imaginary savings come into their own during those dark nights of the soul – or rather, when it’s 4am, and you’re totting up your monthly outgoings and sobbing into a sodden duvet. Even when six months of council tax is mysteriously due all at once, the washing machine needs fixing and friendly Dave the DPD man has been over with a package every other day, I have an ace up my sleeve. I’ve never really, properly smoked, and we all know that’s much more financially ruinous than being addicted to cut price Markus Lupfer knitwear.

Using my economic expertise, I reckon the simple act of not smoking has put me in credit by well over a million pounds. And , there’s a pot of gold at the end of your cash woe. Consider the years of extra cash amassed by cancelling lunches and dinners. Imagine how much poorer you’d be if your friends were less flaky! There are thousands of pounds in your pocket that you didn’t know you had! If I were you, I’d celebrate by purchasing everything in the brand new Erdem x H&M collection. Ah, it appears that it’s all sold out! By not managing to get your hands on a single sock, you’ve saved hundreds, perhaps thousands of pounds. And isn’t it nice to be staring down the barrel of Christmas with a head full of imaginary riches?

By Daisy Buchanan, @NotRollerGirl

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