You: I haven’t been out for longer than that.
Me: I get invited to all these things and I’m just like…no way.
You: I get invited to EVERYTHING. Just no to all of it.
Me: I get invited to things by people I don’t even know. Horrendous.
You: Why would anyone invite me to anything? Are they mentally ill?
Me: Getting invited makes me depressed.
You: And exhausted.
Me: When I get invited to something, I say no straight away.
You: I don’t even say no, I just delete the message.
Me: I block the person who sent it to me.
You: What sort of ‘friend’ invites you to things anyway?
Me: No friend of mine would EVER invite me to anything. They’d know better.
You: This is why I don’t go out. Because I have such good friends.
Me: I hate people who invite me to things.
You: I hate people.
Me: I don’t want much in this life. Just my sofa.
You: I just want my TV. Is that too much to ask?
Me: A hot bath.
You: And Deliveroo.
Me: I have Instagram. I don’t need to go out.
You: Looking at other people’s parties is like going to a party anyway.
You: Or clothes.
Me: Or standing up.
You: I hate standing up.
Me: OMG, I never stand up.
You: Sometimes I don’t speak to anyone for days.
Me: OMG, I never speak.
You: I hate speaking.
Me: The funny thing is, everyone is always like, “You’re out so much!”
You: Yes! “You’re so glamorous, you’re always at a party!“
You: No one ever gets that.
You: I’m leaving right now.
Me: I mentally left ten minutes ago.
Me: Let’s Instagram a selfie first and then go.
You: Great, because I’m late for my next party.