chewbacca, star wars, hairy, hibernate, hair, less ready for summer, less ready

I’m less ready for summer than you

Me: I’m not ready for summer.

You: OK, what are you even talking about? We only had Christmas last week.

Me: There is too much that needs to happen before I’m ready.

You: The body hair situation alone…

Me: Omg, I am so hairy.

You: I’m like a weasel or a Siberian hamster.

Me: What?

You: Their fur gets thicker in winter.

Me: Except now we must become bald like seals.

You: Hairless and exposed.

Me: And 90% blubber.

You: Do not get me started on that.

Me: I’m very much strong is the new skinny, but I’m not even strong.

You: I’m just a large ball of unnecessary fat, covered in layers and layers of hair.

Me: What I’m starting to realise is that I am going to sweat to death this summer.

You: I am going to melt from excessive heat because of the fat/hair situation.

Me: If sunlight ever hit my skin, I would die, hissing, like a vampire.

You: Sunlight would blind me and then I’d stumble in front of a car and be immediately killed.

Me: Apparently we’re supposed to have plans for things like holidays by now.

You: As if I would EVER go on holiday.

Me: Who are these millionaires who can just, you know, go away for no reason?

You: Well, they’re not me. I can’t even afford to leave my house.

Me: I can’t afford to even look at pictures of other people’s holidays.

You: Looking at pictures of other people’s holidays IS my holiday.

Me: I can’t even take the time off to do that.

You: And before you ask, I don’t want an Aperol spritz.

Me: I do NOT want rosé. Get your rosé out of my face.

You: I mean, the pedicure maintenance alone…

Me: The constant fake-tanning

You: I just bought a cashmere jumper last week. I’m not waiting another eight months to wear it.

Me: I love my jeans. I WANT to wear my jeans.

You: I will miss my socks so much.

Me: I always miss my socks.

You: Not tights though. Always thrilled to see the back of bloody tights.

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