Here are some things you should know:
- Married women will tell you that all men are useless and that it’s no harder to do it by yourself. They are wrong.
- Married women will tell you that they envy your ability to focus on your baby because you don’t have a husband to entertain/shag/keep. They are right.
- Single pregnancy is by far the weirdest thing about single motherhood.
- If you have even the slightest scrap of spare cash when you are pregnant, buy yourself a present. You are about to really deserve a present but you will remain bottom of your own list for some time.
- You will not be ready to meet somebody ‘as soon as you’ve got your figure back’. You really won’t care for a couple of years.
- Having a baby is intensely romantic and – seeing as there is no partner to feel jealous or threatened – inhale that mutual fascination.
- The money side of things is far and away the most stressful part. You have to be incredibly grown-up about dealing with this.
- There isn’t a stigma.
- You will astound yourself with your disgustingness. But you’ll prefer time with your baby to any grooming.
- Careful with the tiredness. Even if you’ve got guts when it comes to sleep deprivation, remember it’s cumulative. If you start to feel mad, rope some bodies in. You do have to ask.
- Surprising people leave your life and others enter it in meaningful ways. Go floppy, and let them come and go.
- Once you emerge from the baby bubble (18 months or so) you will come face-to-face with unprecedented and unanticipated ambition. Your own.
I’m Absolutely Fine! The Manual for Imperfect Women is out in paperback now