patrick star, spongebob squarepants, tired, exhausted, insomnia, bloodshot eyes

How tired are you?

Normal person: You look exhausted.

Tired person: I’m so tired I am now scaring myself.

Normal Person: Like a Werewolf?

Tired person: Worse.

Normal Person: Like Barbra Streisand?

Tired person: Quite like Barbra Streisand, but in the middle of a world tour, at full moon, where she has become really sick of having to do an encore of Memory and is now utterly unpredictable…

Normal person : Imagine what she might do if you broke one of the dolls in her doll collection…

Tired person: Might stab you in the throat with one of her talons.

Normal person: Are you now dangerous? Like Naomi Campbell dangerous?

Tired person: Naomi Campbell, but with Mercury in retrograde, when someone makes a joke about throwing phones or blood diamonds.

Normal person: Your voice, though. Quite weird. You sound like a Ringwraith from Lord of the Rings. Just a vivid, high pitch scream that would send animals scattering and make plants shrivel and die on the spot.

Tired person: Too tired to scream, actually. Keep the damn ring, what do I care?

Normal Person: I mean, you look…

Tired person: Like every demonic character in an Hieronymous Bosch painting?.

Normal person: Like a spring onion you find at the back of your fridge, which is now over a month old, has shrunk to half its size, gone brittle and yet simultaneously soggy and drippy but is still slightly hairy at one end?

Tired person: Errr…

Normal person: Like ET? When he went grey and kind of died, so they put him in a body bag?

Tired person: A body bag sounds kind of relaxing. Can I take my phone?

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