Normal person: You look exhausted.
Tired person: I’m so tired I am now scaring myself.
Normal Person: Like a Werewolf?
Tired person: Worse.
Normal Person: Like Barbra Streisand?
Tired person: Quite like Barbra Streisand, but in the middle of a world tour, at full moon, where she has become really sick of having to do an encore of Memory and is now utterly unpredictable…
Normal person : Imagine what she might do if you broke one of the dolls in her doll collection…
Tired person: Might stab you in the throat with one of her talons.
Normal person: Are you now dangerous? Like Naomi Campbell dangerous?
Tired person: Naomi Campbell, but with Mercury in retrograde, when someone makes a joke about throwing phones or blood diamonds.
Normal person: Your voice, though. Quite weird. You sound like a Ringwraith from Lord of the Rings. Just a vivid, high pitch scream that would send animals scattering and make plants shrivel and die on the spot.
Tired person: Too tired to scream, actually. Keep the damn ring, what do I care?
Normal Person: I mean, you look…
Tired person: Like every demonic character in an Hieronymous Bosch painting?.
Normal person: Like a spring onion you find at the back of your fridge, which is now over a month old, has shrunk to half its size, gone brittle and yet simultaneously soggy and drippy but is still slightly hairy at one end?
Tired person: Errr…
Normal person: Like ET? When he went grey and kind of died, so they put him in a body bag?
Tired person: A body bag sounds kind of relaxing. Can I take my phone?