It could have been worse
Sure. Thanks for pointing that out. It could also have been, you know, A LOT better.
Smile and the world smiles with you
Even if it’s passive aggressive smiling? Even if it’s smiling to see if I’ve got spinach in my teeth because I left my floss at home? Even if it’s smiling through gritted teeth at the terrible man who is explaining to me why he thinks #MeToo has probably run its course? A smile is not a smile by any other name, you know. Be specific.
It is what it is
Right. But what actually is it?
It’s beginning to look a lot like…
…my fist travelling with great enthusiasm in the direction of your mouth because it’s only November, so if you say the word ‘Christmas’ and talk to me about Gingerbread Lattes or ask me what my plans are, one of us is going to end up with a fat lip, namely you.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
Except, if I don’t put all my eggs in the basket, where will I put them? How will I carry the ones that aren’t in the basket? In my pockets? In my hands? One in my mouth with another precariously balanced between my eyes at the top of my nose? All the eggs need to go in the basket, they just do.
Everything is just a phase
A phase that started the day I was born and is yet to deviate…
You win some, you lose some
The lose some part I get. The win some part I’m struggling with.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles
Wait. What? Where did it crumble? Have you got crumbs on my sofa? Where are the crumbs? OMG, they’re not in my bed are they?
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
So what you’re saying is I’m clinically dead?
Sleep on it
How does this advice work if you haven’t slept since Cool Britannia was a thing?