- The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.
- The fact that I have 35 unstained, unspoiled cook books, but extremely well thumbed copies of Codependent No More says a lot about who I am as a person.
- The fact that the screensaver on my iPhone is a picture of Tom Hardy holding a dog instead of the person I live with says a lot about who I am as a person.
- The fact that I wish I’d married the man who folded my clothes after he took them off says a lot about who I am as a person.
- The fact that I spend more money on my teeth than I do on my house says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I now find Gary Barlow whispering ‘You’re my life’ on Why Can’t I Wake Up With You to be suffocating and needy rather than romantic says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I eat organic but have rolling botox appointments says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I now reckon the evil stepmother with the poison apple at the end of Snow White is a bit misunderstood says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I thought The Police were singing ‘Sue Lawley’ instead of So Lonely until last week says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I have recently bought two all-singing all-dancing vibrators but have neither the energy nor the inclination to use them says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I put those vibrators somewhere very safe and now can’t find them and am in a blind panic about someone else finding them says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I often consider just moving house so I don’t have to clear up after I’ve had people over for dinner says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that I worry about wearing white jeans in case it makes people think I’m obsessed with Elizabeth Hurley says a lot about me as a person.
- The fact that the real reason I’m not interested in the Tory leadership election is because there is not a single one to fancy amongst them says a lot about me as a person.
