bette davis, joan crawford, whatever happened to baby jane, halloween, halloween costumes, fancy dress

Halloween costumes for Midults

Jacob Rees Mogg

You get to scare people AND loll inappropriately on the sofa. Not that much of a departure from reality, then. Refuse to do anything. Say it will be taken care of by Nanny.

Jacob Rees Mogg’s nanny

Clank around the place wearing chains, looking partly terrifying and partly forlorn, while rattling a set of Mercedes keys in your hand and shouting, ‘Use your Latin, Sixtus!’

Coleen Rooney

A ruthless bloodhound of an investigator dressed in a Juicy Couture tracksuit, mercilessly gathering the scalps of disloyal WAGs.

Meryl Streep in Big Little Lies

False teeth. A cardigan. Scream whenever anyone asks you a question.

Bette Davies and Joan Crawford from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

A couple of old hags desperately trying to recapture their youth. Too close to the bone?


Not sexy cat woman. No hot PVC catsuit or cute whiskers. No adorable ears. No suggestive tail. We’re talking mad catwoman. Lives with seventeen cats, catwoman. Might get her face eaten by her cats, catwoman. Shares their food, catwoman. Gives them names like Firebolt and Agent Midnight, catwoman. Slight litter tray aroma, catwoman.

The Devil Wears & Other Stories

In your own clothes, just being a major bitch to everyone.

Shiv from Succession

Slick red hair. Happy to stab brothers in the back (metaphorically at the moment, but you never know). Good at swearing and intimidating her husband.

An alarm clock

Come on, everyone hates an alarm clock.

A loaf of bread

Terrify all women who cross your path.

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