forrest gump, sally field, bed, never leave house, not go out, excuses

Excuses, excuses, excuses: Reasons not to leave the house

It’s Summer, everyone is getting a bit excited and making all sorts of plans. You’ve been longing to go out. But have you really?

  1. I might miss a delivery I was expecting. It’s from eBay. It says it will arrive some time between now and early August. I really need those little twizzly things that get hair out of drains that I ordered, so…”
  2. “If I go out, I will shop. And then I won’t be able to pay my tax bill and will end up with no defence in court, apart from my impressive new bag, which I fear the judge won’t understand. Basically leaving the house is like a guaranteed custodial sentence for me.”
  3. “Some rain is more wet than other rain and this rain is too wet.”
  4. “God it’s hot!!!!!!! Why is it so hot???? Why can’t it be the in-between hot???? I will immediately die of heat exhaustion if I leave the house.”
  5. “There are just too many other humans, inconsiderately walking on the bits of the pavement that I want to walk on, radiating their problems in my face and trying to bring me down with their negativity. Basically it’s just too… peopley.”
  6. “Just me appreciating my garden, which happens about once a year. THIS is my outside world.”
  7. “Tired. Need a nap first.” *four hours later* “Oh, what happened? Is that the time? Why is it dark?”
  8. “I can’t decide what to wear!!!! I don’t have any clothes!!!! I can’t go out looking like this!!!!! I only just realised all of this!!!”
  9. “There’s a cat on my fence that looks like it wants to break in, so just to be on the safe side…”
  10. “I need to catch up on The Assassination of Gianni Versace first or I won’t have anything to talk about to other people.”
  11. “Is Mercury in retrograde though? Can I take the risk?
  12. “Don’t know where my keys are. Oh, I’m holding them in my hand. But what if this happens when I have left the house and they’re NOT in my hand?”
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