It’s Summer, everyone is getting a bit excited and making all sorts of plans. You’ve been longing to go out. But have you really?
- “I might miss a delivery I was expecting. It’s from eBay. It says it will arrive some time between now and early August. I really need those little twizzly things that get hair out of drains that I ordered, so…”
- “If I go out, I will shop. And then I won’t be able to pay my tax bill and will end up with no defence in court, apart from my impressive new bag, which I fear the judge won’t understand. Basically leaving the house is like a guaranteed custodial sentence for me.”
- “Some rain is more wet than other rain and this rain is too wet.”
- “God it’s hot!!!!!!! Why is it so hot???? Why can’t it be the in-between hot???? I will immediately die of heat exhaustion if I leave the house.”
- “There are just too many other humans, inconsiderately walking on the bits of the pavement that I want to walk on, radiating their problems in my face and trying to bring me down with their negativity. Basically it’s just too… peopley.”
- “Just me appreciating my garden, which happens about once a year. THIS is my outside world.”
- “Tired. Need a nap first.” *four hours later* “Oh, what happened? Is that the time? Why is it dark?”
- “I can’t decide what to wear!!!! I don’t have any clothes!!!! I can’t go out looking like this!!!!! I only just realised all of this!!!”
- “There’s a cat on my fence that looks like it wants to break in, so just to be on the safe side…”
- “I need to catch up on The Assassination of Gianni Versace first or I won’t have anything to talk about to other people.”
- “Is Mercury in retrograde though? Can I take the risk?“
- “Don’t know where my keys are. Oh, I’m holding them in my hand. But what if this happens when I have left the house and they’re NOT in my hand?”
