There was a time, a month or two ago, when we spent a lot of time saying to ourselves and each other, “No wonder you’re exhausted and anxious. It’s totally OK not to be your most productive, cheerful and creative during a global pandemic. Just be nice to yourself. Give yourself a break.” And we tried to cut ourselves some slack but here we are. Lockdown 2: This time it’s raining.
The emotional wear and tear of the last many months is not to be underestimated. We are ragged. Our demons are coming out to play and we’re too tired to shut them up. We double down on the gratitude but still the old stuff is rearing its head. We try to be fine but then we’re crying. We try to be thankful but it feels hollow.
And so maybe it’s time for some emotional track and trace. We know we’re not okay. Being nice to ourselves – doing the breathing, the yoga, the baths and the supplements – is just entry level now; it’s not getting us anywhere. Maybe it’s time to investigate. To try something new: Looking at the stabbing emotional pain and meeting its gaze. Not because we are failing but because we need to acknowledge all the shit. Bring it into the light. Resist the inevitable pull of shame.
You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. Remember that. This is a time of great change and you are changing. Your tectonic plates are shifting. And the old demons don’t like that. They want to let you know that you can’t get away with this. That you are still their plaything.
Track and trace the tears and the triggers. Use the stillness to get to know yourself a bit. This is not self-indulgent, it is crucial because our resources are crazy low. Move forwards through the feelings. They are only feelings. Denial is a dangerous path right now. Get to know yourself. Might as well. Easier than learning fucking Italian.