- When you grind your own coffee beans you feel so wholesome you might as well be in Little House on the Prairie making Ma ‘n Pa a cosy welcome home treat after a day working the fields. Or in a coffee ad from the mid-eighties, mysterious and sexy, with an equally mysterious and sexy new neighbour who has followed the delicious aroma to your door to ask you if he can have a cup / shag you immediately.
- When you sweep the fireplace, you are instantly a parlourmaid, earnest and hardworking, but beautiful and innocent, wiping your brow upon your apron as you are eyed up by the Lord of the Manor.
- When you sew a button on, you are suddenly an impoverished couturier who is having to make ends meet working as a lowly seamstress at a Paris atelier. You are a genius in the making, going home at night to work on your own designs long into the night. You are on the brink of discovery, poised to change the female silhouette and how women perceive themselves. If only someone would believe in you….
- When you remember your bag for life, you are singlehandedly saving the planet with your battle against plastic. You have put climate change into reverse – the floods are receding, the Polar icecaps are freezing up again, Greta Thunberg has asked you to mentor her and David Attenborough wants to date you.
- When you hang your washing outside to dry, you are a hearty, ruddy-cheeked Medieval wife, who can wring a goose’s neck and give birth while she’s pegging sheets to a line.
- When you change a lightbulb, you are an 19th-century scientist who has been working for years on pioneering electric lighting. You have had to overcome many challenges – lack of funding, a battle with tuberculosis – and yet, you have been dogmatic in your pursuit of this game-changing discovery. After all your failures, will this be the moment you create light? Oh….my…God….
- When you feed the dog, you are an animal whisperer, known to everyone in the neighbourhood for your uncanny ability to understand every bark and every purr. You understand animals and they understand you. Humans just don’t really get you – but the beasts do. Things are uncomplicated with animals, which is why you live alone, surrounded by them in the mountains. Bears eat from your hands. Wolves roll over on their backs, expecting their tummies to be tickled. Eagles sit on your shoulders like parrots. You are the wily Earth Woman and you answer to no one.
