muppets, party, anxiety, worry, panic, post lockdown, post covid, conversations with yourself

Conversations you have with yourself before going to the first party in forever

Me: Thank God! Mixing with other humans again!

Also me: I can’t believe I have to mix with other humans again.

Me: Finally I get to wear real clothes!

Also me: And yet, would anyone really notice if I go in my trackies?

Me: A reason to do my make-up properly!

Also me: I can’t remember how to hold an eyeliner.


Also me: That’s it, I’m cancelling.

Me: I can’t wait to show off my scintillating conversation.

Also me: I have absolutely nothing to say.

Me: So much has happened over the past year – lots to talk about.

Also me: Nothing has happened over the past year – again, nothing to say.

Me: The bliss of someone else cooking.

Also me: It better be Deliveroo pizza or my body will become confused.

Me: I can’t wait to cautiously hug people according to guidelines.

Also me: If anyone comes within two metres of me, I’m calling the police.

Me: Do I ask people about their summer plans?

Also me: Please let no one ask me about my summer plans…

Me: I might wear one of the twenty-five new dresses I bought myself during lockdown.

Also me: Except I can’t get into any of them, stupid Deliveroo pizza.

Me: Here’s my favourite bottle of scent! Untouched since last year! I’ve been saving it!

Also me: OMG I can’t breathe, it’s like fly spray.

Me: Just putting the finishing touches to my make-up…

Also me: Do I look like a supermodel or a prostitute? I can’t tell…

Me: It’s so exciting to be dressing up.

Also me: How on Earth did I ever wear anything that was not fully elasticated?

Me: I’m going to go mad and have a late night.

Also me: I need to be back by nine. Maybe quarter to.

Me: It’s going to be wild!

Also me: If I just pop in for a drink I can be back by 8:30 which is, frankly, quite late.

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