Me: Thank God! Mixing with other humans again!
Also me: I can’t believe I have to mix with other humans again.
Me: Finally I get to wear real clothes!
Also me: And yet, would anyone really notice if I go in my trackies?
Me: A reason to do my make-up properly!
Also me: I can’t remember how to hold an eyeliner.
Me: HEELS.
Also me: That’s it, I’m cancelling.
Me: I can’t wait to show off my scintillating conversation.
Also me: I have absolutely nothing to say.
Me: So much has happened over the past year – lots to talk about.
Also me: Nothing has happened over the past year – again, nothing to say.
Me: The bliss of someone else cooking.
Also me: It better be Deliveroo pizza or my body will become confused.
Me: I can’t wait to cautiously hug people according to guidelines.
Also me: If anyone comes within two metres of me, I’m calling the police.
Me: Do I ask people about their summer plans?
Also me: Please let no one ask me about my summer plans…
Me: I might wear one of the twenty-five new dresses I bought myself during lockdown.
Also me: Except I can’t get into any of them, stupid Deliveroo pizza.
Me: Here’s my favourite bottle of scent! Untouched since last year! I’ve been saving it!
Also me: OMG I can’t breathe, it’s like fly spray.
Me: Just putting the finishing touches to my make-up…
Also me: Do I look like a supermodel or a prostitute? I can’t tell…
Me: It’s so exciting to be dressing up.
Also me: How on Earth did I ever wear anything that was not fully elasticated?
Me: I’m going to go mad and have a late night.
Also me: I need to be back by nine. Maybe quarter to.
Me: It’s going to be wild!
Also me: If I just pop in for a drink I can be back by 8:30 which is, frankly, quite late.
