the two ronnies, ronnie, sketch, comedy, news, anchorman

Conversations you have with yourself: while watching the news

Me: I am a serious, informed grown-up who is engaged in the world’s issues.

Also me: Tell me more about #WAGathaChristie IMMEDIATELY.

Me: Ah yes. Brexit. Where are we with the negotiations?

Also me: I negotiated my car out of a parking space better than this only earlier…

Me: No deal would be a disaster.

Also me: A disaster bigger than me ripping the fuck out of my tights before a meeting today and that’s saying something.

Me: Right. So Parliament has said we will need to extend the deadline if no deal is agreed.

Also me: But why is everyone freaking out about no deal when they’re not allowed to leave with no deal? Who actually understands this? Is it all made up? Am I even here?

Me: The backstop…

Also me: What is the backstop?

Me: And you know, all that business with the single market.

Also me: What is the single market?

Me: Hello Michel Barnier….

Also me: Wait, is he quite… hot?

Me: He must think we’re a bunch of tossers.

Also me: *googles ‘young Michel Barnier’*

Me: This is never going to get sorted out before the deadline.

Also me: Imagine him and Justin Trudeau in a boy band…

Me: I can’t take this anymore.

Also me: They could ask Emmanuel Macron to join.

Me: We are about to make ourselves globally irrelevant!

Also me: He could be the little Mark Owen of the band.

Me: What if no one wants to trade with us???

Also me: And they could also ask Prince Carl Philip of Sweden.

Me: OMG. Our only ‘friend’ will be Donald Trump.

Also me: OK, so Prince Carl Philip is not a politician, but with that face, who will care?

Me: Until Donald Trump decides that he wants to buy us and turn us into a giant golf course.

Also me: They could be like a hot Euro N-Sync.

Me: Until we refuse and he just decides, in his unmatched wisdom, to nuke us.

Also me: They could do cover versions of the original N Sync songs!


Also me: Except we won’t be able to go and see them live because they’ll only be playing in EU countries. I don’t believe this.

Me: That’s it, I’m joining the Green party!

Also me: Or the other party! That everyone keeps leaving!

Me: I’m Brexhausted.

Also me: *googles ‘how happily married is Prince Carl Philip REALLY?’*

Share on Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Email to someone