Government: We want to know what you think.
Me: What about?
Me: OK… Well, I think that –
Government: No, we’re not going to do that.
Me: Wait, I haven’t –
Government: It’s too complicated, you wouldn’t understand it.
Me: Bit patronising, but…
Government: Leave it to your elected representatives, OK?
Me: Wow, did I really vote for you?
Government: Time to introduce some austerity measures.
Me: Is that necessary?
Government: With your spending? What else were you expecting?
Me: Hey, how come you get an expense account to fill your moat with and I don’t?
Government: We don’t have a second home.
Me: What? I never said –
Government: Because you’re not successful enough to own one.
Me: Hang on –
Government: How do you intend to start paying back the deficit?
Me: Well, how much is it?
Me: Give me a clue.
Government: It’s more than that.
Me: I hadn’t actually –
Government: Waaaaaay more than that.
Me: You’re scaring me.
Government: No we’re not, we’re helping you.
Government: We’re on your side.
Me: (bitter laugh)
Government: Guess the amount or go to prison.
Me: I need a drink.
Government: Prison might help kick-start your desperately needed diet.
Me: What is this??
Government: Your weight problems are going to put a strain on the NHS.
Me: Hang on, we’re only talking a couple of pounds.
Government: That’s what they all say.
Me: Sorry, but that’s just –
Government: Take some responsibility.
Me: Wait a minute, I –
Government: We know what you need, stop questioning us.
Me: Do you though?
Government: Of course we do – what’s wrong with you? We’re the government.
Me: But you haven’t even asked me what I think.
Government: Yes, we have and you didn’t know.
Me: No, you didn’t listen –
Government: To be clear, we know exactly what you think and you’re wrong.
Me: Wrong about what???
Government: Do not question how we run things.
Me: It’s my democratic right to question, actually.
Government: Don’t you think that’s a slightly outdated concept?